Reality

Sorry for another long pause in my updates. We had clinic on Monday for a spinal tap, chemo in Gage’s port and the start of a week of steroids. Believe it or not, you do sometimes fall into a routine with cancer treatment.  At times it even feels like just another part of life to manage. But, in my experience, an appointment for a spinal tap (that always includes fasting and general anesthesia too) quickly brings you back to the harsh reality that your child is very sick.

And, we had a conversation with the doctor on Monday about Gage’s medical protocol (basically, the day-by-day, dose-by-dose plan we will follow until the fall of 2010). A few ’slight’ changes have been made in the general ALL protocol, although none of what we discussed affects Gage directly. Still, as I told our doctor, it’s an uncomfortable and difficult thing to consider. I’m so thankful that cure rates for childhood leukemia have improved in the last 30 years…and I know that happens as the doctors learn more and continually improve the treatment plan…but it’s also a harsh reminder that there is not a 100% cure rate. I feel much safer when I just think we’re going to do what the doctors ask, follow all their requests, give Gage all his medicine at the appointed time…and in September 2010, he’ll be fine. And, that is what our doctors believe will happen. Still, seeing them alter the ALL treatment plan is a sad and unsettling reminder that the doctors are just men doing the best they can…and success is not guaranteed.

So, as I dosed Gage’s chemotherapy at home tonight, Christmas Eve, I continue to walk through this week with a heavy heart. I’m thankful we’re doing so much better than last year, when Gage was admitted to the hospital on Christmas Day for a two-week stay. Yet, I think I’m realizing more each day that Gage’s cancer continues to mark him, our family, our relationships and our perspectives in untold ways. Especially during Christmas, a time of childhood wonder and magic, I find myself asking the question more often, “Why did my child have to get cancer? Why does Gage have to endure this? Why can’t he just feel better?”

All I can do is remind myself of what I already know to be true…

Psalm 121:2

My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

And, at the end of the day, I’m thankful I have an infinitely wise, loving, powerful God to depend on, and that I’m not ultimately at the mercy of men, even those trying their best.

I hope you all enjoy Christmas with your families, and thanks for checking in on us.

RH

Enjoying the season

Although I’m posting less often these days, I’m thankful to report that we’re having a regular, busy, fun holiday season…sharing fun times with family & friends, shopping for gifts, enjoying the cards we get in the mail each afternoon, looking forward to a two-week break from school and more.

Tonight we’ll attend the Christmas party for the Center for Cancer and Blood Disorders at Children’s. Although the kids will certainly enjoy it, the reality of what all the families in that room face will be sobering. Thankfully, there is a big difference between how Gage feels this year vs. last year, and it’s for the better. That certainly won’t be the case for everyone tonight.

Last week at the parade, I was able to visit with one of the Childlife Specialists from Children’s who works with the oncology patients. She thanked me again for the commitment from Team Holmes of funding $150,000 for the initial three years of salary for the first full-time Childlife Specialist for the inpatient oncology floor. The childlife staff now has full-time specialists in the out-patient clinic (where we go on Mondays), the 10th floor (24-bed oncology-only inpatient floor), and a ‘floater’ who can spend time with the 15-25 kids who should be on the 10th floor but are moved to other floors because the 10th floor is routinely full. It’s sad to think that there are often 50 kids a night at Children’s hospitalized because of cancer. Still, I’m so thankful that we’ve been able to make a difference through your trust in us and generosity to us. (If you want to read more about what a Childlife Specialist does, click here. It’s hard to really put into words, but they could have double the staff they have now and still be very busy loving & helping all the kids and families fighting cancer at Children’s.)

Also, a fun moment from this weekend. I was able to reunite with several of my good friends from our September trip to DC to compete in the Nation’s Triathlon with Team in Training. We created two 5-person teams to run the relay in the Dallas White Rock Marathon (with 17,000 other runners!).

It was fun to have a buddy to run with…and to only have to run 5 miles!  Then, Leigh and I and several friends helped out at the Finish Strong aid/cheer station that Watermark (our church) sponsored at Mile 25. It was a great experience to see our church lining both sides of the street, cheering on the runners and knowing that you were encouraging them as they faced the final mile…after months of training and 25 miles of running. (The picture below is Leigh & I on the microphone with several of our DC triathlon teammates in attendance to cheer the runners on too…after we all finished running ourselves!)

Thanks for checking in and please pray for us as we approach a spinal tap and a week of increased chemo, including steroids, starting next Monday.

RH

A Weekend of Celebration

Saturday morning, we headed downtown for the annual parade benefiting Children’s Medical Center here in Dallas. It’s an amazing parade, and we were joined by almost 400,000 other people who lined the streets 10-12 people deep along most of the route. And, as you can see in the picture above, Gage was selected to ride in the parade this year. It’s a huge honor and something he can only do one time…so yesterday was the big day!

He got to ride with Iron Man (big hit!) on an old fashioned fire truck (also a big hit!).

He was so cute as he passed by us…honking the horn, smiling and waving. Afterward, we asked him if he had fun…”Yeah, the parade was fun…and I got to ride in four different vehicles this morning…a bus, a golf cart, the firetruck and then back on the bus….and, we didn’t have to stop at red lights the first time we rode on the bus because there was a police car with its lights on in front of us…but, I am tired…I had to wave the whole time in the parade!” So cute. And, the families of the parade participants from Children’s were treated to lunch together after the parade, with a visit from the entire Dallas Stars hockey team and several of the characters from the parade. (Avery & Gage are with Mike Modano below, for those who don’t follow the Stars!)

I have to admit, it was a little bittersweet for me…knowing that we were going to this parade for the first time because Gage was in it…and that he was in it because he has cancer. It’s still sometimes hard to believe. Still, sweet days like this create memorable moments in this journey, and they also help offset some of the pain of much harder times. It was great to watch Gage have so much fun and great to cheer for him.

There are several pictures from the parade at the end of the post, but I also wanted to include sweet Ellie in this post.

Ellie turned four this week, and today was her first big birthday party with friends. We had a Disney Princess bounce house that was so fun, and our kids jumped on it all day long, including at the party. All the kids came in costume to the party and we ended the party with a pinata (both at Avery & Gage’s suggestion)…what’s not to love about candy flying everywhere?!? It was sweet to watch Ellie celebrate her birthday with family & friends…and so glad to know, again, that this fall is much better than last.

Gage had a great week this week. We laughed that we could tell he felt good because he had plenty of energy to get in lots of trouble with his sisters.

Thanks for continuing to support and care for our family. And, here are the rest of the parade pictures…starting with Gage’s clinic nurse, Pat, dressed & ready to join the clowns before the parade begins. She’s been making this day special for kids for many,many years…

Our friend Laurren with Hello Kitty

And here’s Avery…helping film all the festivities!

To everyone who plays a part in the annual Children’s parade, thank you. It was an amazing, memorable day for our family. We are so thankful to be treated at such an amazing children’s hospital…and just as thankful for those in Dallas who support it.

RH

Thanksgiving

Although my post is long overdue, we had a great Thanksgiving. I continue to see this fall through the lens of last fall. Last Thanksgiving, Blake and I ate our take-out Thanksgiving dinner at home just the two of us while the kids napped in the afternoon. Gage wasn’t doing well, and there was no way to make plans to be with family. As we said then, it may be a holiday, but the cancer didn’t care. So, we were just thankful to be at home (and not at Children’s) and tried to enjoy our meal together during a brief break.

This year, we were able to travel to Nacogdoches and spend time with my family. My sister and her family came too, and all the kids enjoyed playing together. I know it was also sweet for my parents to have us all at home again for the first time in a long time.

So, it was a sweet week of family time. And, I know we all deeply appreciated the simple times of meals together, games played and watching the kids run around…especially on the new Green Machine my parents bought in anticipation of the kid’s arrival!

Thanks for checking in and for your continued prayers for our family.

RH